Marriage & Family

What marriage is

Marriage was not invented by the Church or the state. God wrote it into creation: “a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). The Church’s law describes it as a covenant “by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life,” ordered “to the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring” (Code of Canon Law, can. 1055; CCC 1601).

• A sacrament. Between two baptized persons, Christ has raised this covenant to the dignity of a sacrament. Their love becomes a sign of Christ’s love for the Church (Ephesians 5:25–32; CCC 1613–1617). A marriage between two baptized Protestants is also a sacrament.
• Unity and indissolubility. Marriage is between one man and one woman, and a valid, consummated sacramental marriage cannot be dissolved by any human power, only by death (can. 1056, 1141; CCC 1644). “What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder” (Matthew 19:6).
• Natural marriage. When two unbaptized people marry, theirs is a true and good natural marriage, though not a sacrament.

The wedding

• Free consent makes the marriage. The couple’s free, mutual consent, given without force or grave fear, is the indispensable element (CCC 1626–1628; can. 1057).
• Who the ministers are. In the Latin (Roman) Church, the bride and groom are the ministers: they confer the sacrament on each other, and the priest or deacon receives their consent in the name of the Church. In the Eastern Churches, the priest or bishop is the minister, and the rite is called the “Crowning” (CCC 1623).
• Canonical form. A Catholic is ordinarily married before a priest or deacon with the faculty to assist and two witnesses (can. 1108). A Catholic who marries outside this form without a dispensation does not marry validly.
• Marrying a non-Catholic. To marry a baptized non-Catholic Christian, a Catholic needs the bishop’s permission (can. 1124). To marry someone unbaptized, a dispensation is needed (can. 1086). The Catholic party promises to remain faithful and to do all in their power to have the children baptized and raised Catholic (can. 1125).
• Preparation. Every diocese requires marriage preparation. Contact your parish as early as possible, often at least six months before the wedding, and before booking a venue.

See the Seven Sacraments and Vocations for marriage alongside the other callings.

The Theology of the Body

Between 1979 and 1984, St. John Paul II gave 129 Wednesday catecheses now known as the Theology of the Body, published as Man and Woman He Created Them. A few of the central ideas:

• The body reveals the person. We do not merely have bodies; we are embodied persons. The body has a “spousal meaning”: it is made for self-gift.
• Made for communion. Man and woman image God not only individually but in their communion, a reflection of the Trinity, a communion of Persons.
• The sincere gift of self. We “cannot fully find ourselves except through a sincere gift of self” (Gaudium et Spes 24). Marital love is total, faithful, free, and fruitful.
• Redemption of desire. Christ does not condemn desire but heals it, so that we can see and love others as persons, never as objects.

Chastity, the integration of sexuality within the person, is a calling for everyone, married or single (CCC 2337–2350).

Openness to life and NFP

Marital love is ordered to two goods that God has joined: the unity of the spouses and the procreation of children. St. Paul VI taught in Humanae Vitae (1968) that these two meanings of the marital act may not be deliberately separated (n. 12). For this reason contraception is morally wrong (CCC 2370), as are procedures such as IVF that replace the marital act as the way children are conceived (CCC 2376–2377).

The Church does not ask couples to have as many children as physically possible. Spouses may, for just reasons, space births or avoid pregnancy for a time by using the natural rhythms of fertility (Humanae Vitae 10, 16; CCC 2368). This is natural family planning (NFP): couples learn to recognize the fertile and infertile times of the cycle and abstain during the fertile time if they need to avoid pregnancy. Modern methods, such as the Billings, Creighton, Marquette, and sympto-thermal methods, are scientific and, used correctly, highly effective. They also help couples who are trying to conceive. Many dioceses offer classes, and the U.S. bishops keep a guide to NFP.

The domestic church

The Christian family is called a “domestic church” (CCC 1655–1658; Lumen Gentium 11). It is the first school of prayer and virtue, and parents are the first and most important educators of their children in the faith (CCC 2221–2226; can. 793). Simple habits make a big difference: praying together at meals and bedtime, Sunday Mass as a family, keeping the feasts and seasons, and talking about faith in ordinary life. Our Advent at Home guide and the interactive Rosary are good places to start.

Annulments (declarations of nullity)

An annulment is properly called a declaration of nullity. It is not a “Catholic divorce.” A Church tribunal does not end a marriage; it examines whether a valid marriage ever came into being on the wedding day. Every marriage is presumed valid until the contrary is proven (can. 1060).

• Possible grounds include a serious lack of the judgment or psychological capacity needed for marriage (can. 1095), consent given under force or grave fear (can. 1103), excluding permanence, fidelity, or children (can. 1101), an impediment such as a prior bond (can. 1085), or, for a Catholic, marrying without the required form.
• Children of a marriage later declared null remain legitimate (can. 1137). The declaration says nothing against them.
• Reform. In 2015 Pope Francis simplified the process (Mitis Iudex Dominus Iesus). A second confirming judgment is no longer required, a shorter process before the bishop is possible when nullity is clear, and he asked that the process be free of charge as far as possible.
• How to begin: speak with your pastor or contact your diocesan tribunal.

Divorce and remarriage

• Separated or divorced, not remarried: a civil divorce does not end a valid marriage in God’s eyes. Sometimes it is the only way to protect legal rights or the care of children, and then it can be morally tolerated (CCC 2383). A divorced Catholic who has not remarried is a full member of the Church and may receive Communion like anyone else in a state of grace.
• Divorced and civilly remarried, without a declaration of nullity: the Church teaches that the new union contradicts Christ’s words on the permanence of marriage, so such persons should not receive Holy Communion (CCC 1650; Familiaris Consortio 84). They are not excommunicated. They remain members of the Church and are encouraged to attend Mass, pray, raise their children in the faith, and take part in parish life (CCC 1651).
• Accompaniment. In Amoris Laetitia (2016) Pope Francis asked pastors to accompany such couples, help them discern their situation, and integrate them into the community. Anyone in this situation should talk with a priest, who can also explain the possibility of a declaration of nullity.